Thursday - SS and Small Group

Many folks have sent cards to our family and I've read each one with it's printed message and the note hand written on the card to us personally. They have meant so much to us and we appreciate the comforting thoughts expressed.

Today a card came from a friend with a particularly poignant poem.
Author unknown:

God's Gift of Time

we all need a time to grieve-quiet time for reflection
to sift through memories
and come to grips
with what has happened.

we all need a time for tears,
not for the one who is now
at peace in heaven,
but for ourselves as we realize
that things will never be the same.

we all need a time to just 'be,'
when we can open ourselves to God
and let the reassurance
of his everlasting love
start to heal our broken hearts.

This is my need right now: a time for grief, for tears, and to 'be'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Today begins the first time I've been alone in months. Trey, Katka, and Evelyn left today and will soon be back in Belgium. Here is their position as I write.

I began the day at the local Social Security office. Deb had begun her modest SS when she turned 62 on the ides of March. Since her death was in Nov, this months check must be returned but  I was qualified as a surviving spouse for the SS death benefit-all $255.00 !

Then I headed to work until lunch with Trey and family. They wanted Mexican since it is hard to get in Brussels. After that it was time to take them to the airport for the international flight. Before we left I carried little 2.5 year old Evelyn around the yard showing her the trees and plants. She kept asking for Bobbie-Debbie, her name for Deb. How do you explain where she is to a two year old?

Tonight the small group that Deb and I have been in for years met. One of our group had just returned from weeks in Moldova where he helped children and the elderly in that impoverished country. After he shared I was given the floor to share where I am and what life has been like for the past few weeks. This group has been our core support for the myeloma adventure.

Simon and Garfunkle were wrong: I am NOT a rock! I am NOT an island! I need th elove and support of others and am so grateful to have it.

Sunday evening I hope to fly to Little Rock. I have a uHaul reserved for Monday morning and hope to load and start back to Georgia with the furniture that Deb enjoyed in the condo so much. I'm going to replace some old stuff at home with the stuff Deb picked out.

Tomorrow night is the company Christmas party and I remember how hard it was for Deb to dress and attend the last few years, but she did it, all the while smiling and glowing in the interaction with our friends. When she got home she was shot!

Deb was a real trooper!
I miss her so much. Tonight I held our wedding snapshots and thought of that day thirty-eight years ago and realize what I have lost. Read the poem above again.

Blessings!